Sorry, bit of a rant time. Been feeling down in the dumps and I just really want to talk. So I thought, instead of talking in RL and have no one listen, how bout I go on the internet and talk and have no one listen! What's the difference!?

It's really funny how people understimate me. I maybe quiet and not pretty, BUT I'M NOT STUPID! Really now, just because I'm quiet and not pretty, half the people at my school take a look at me and think just beacuse I'm that, I'm a freaking Stupid-Ass-Ugly-Unitellengent-Bitch! It pisses me off, it drives me up the wall and to the moon!

. . .

Don't you hate it . . . in RL, you are working on a really hard picture . . . one that you are very proud of when you are done . . . but no one notices that piece of work, but notices everyone else's artwork . . . It just really lowers my selfesteem more than it is. There is already enough things I find wrong with myself, and I always find something more to add to that list.

It's also funny on how people walk into your life, then suddenly just walk out. I had a friend in fifth and six grade. He was a nice, shy, and very quiet boy. When he was mad, his voice got really soft, and he always liked my jokes. We became very good friends in those two years, and some said that he had a crush on me. But once we hit the seventh grade, he just stopped talking to me. He did not say one word to me that whole year, and neither the next year. I saw him frequently in middle school, but not once did he even look at me. It was odd, I don't understand why he did what he did. Makes no sense in my mind to have a good friend then just to never talk to them again a few years later for no apparant reason.

Am I that forgetable?

Same thing here, I had been in girlscouts for a few years. And if you make fun of me for it, I'll ring your necks! I did some really cool t hings in girlscouts, I went to New York twice, went to amusement parks, and a bunch of cool places! But I had friends in there, they were and still are a grade lower than me. They are in the high school now, and I see them frequently. But they look at me like I don't exist, like I'm just another stanger in the crowd.

It worries me. I don't like being forgotten. And it makes me think that if for some reason I die soon, everyone will forget me, and who the person I was. They would forget everything I did for everyone else, how hard I tried to make other peoples lives better. How I tried to make people laugh, how I drew to make myself and others feel better. My thoughts, my feelings, my dreams, and everthing I cared about.

"You leave, you try
You laugh, you cry
You did, you lie
You live, you die
You will, you won't
You feel, you don't
You heal, and you crack" - Moving at the speed of life - Living Legends.

. . . .

I think alot, my mind is constantly running. And since that, I can come on to some really random conversations. Like the topics I've been talking about. They just pop into my mind and then for a while I constantly think about it until the next topic comes around. I don't know if what I think about is in a normal 16 year old's mind.

But then again I don't get some people. Like I've see a few people, where they say something is really bothing them at the time. But once I get like into two minutes within the conversation, they are just all of a sudden wicked happy for no apparent reason. Like the subject that was bothering them, I guess wasn't really a big deal no matter how much they said it was. It aggrivates me at times. How can someone be like that all the time? It's just all simple in their minds, no detailed explanation for their actions or their emotions at the time. It makes no sense! And it's just aggravating as heck when you are trying to help them.

People just don't make sense . . . I really sometimes just don't get what is going through their minds.

. . .

Hmmm . . . I just reminded me of something . . . I want the brother I know back . . .

Well right now thats the end of my rant. But no one gives a shit anyways so I just wasted an hour of my life writing this.

~cya